To say this week has not gone as planned is a joke. I know it happens to us all but it doesn't make it any less frustrating!
I think the last day I've successfully studied for my huge midwifery test was Tuesday, and even then I was "on edge" as I had received a "heads up" call that I may be going to a birth. Things worked out and I have to say that as much as the crazy has been happening I'm also totally seeing/feeling the Lord's presence.
I ended up being able to utilize my quiet Tuesday for studying (Timber was at the sitter's, the kids at school and Steven at a client's office). I was even able to take Taylor and Thea to tumbling...and just at the end got the call that it was time to head out. Long story short, it wasn't time yet...so I got to come back home in time to go to bed and not miss boot camp. Right after boot camp I checked my phone and had been called out again for attempt #2...not bad timing I'd beat AM rush traffic. That was a no go as well...but I was so thrilled I felt the Lord did it for me...I had a facial & massage scheduled that morning (it was a graduation gift to myself that I scheduled back in November). I was able to go! Had just enough time to make it home and get cleaned up and then head out. Steven and Timber came with me to Sugar Land and went to a nearby indoor play place so that afterwards we could have lunch together. It was a really good time and I felt totally relaxed and odd for having such a nice turnout with the timing and getting some "me" time. On our way home Steven was called into work so I settled in to put Timber down for a nap. I had just sat down to check email and begin studying when I was called to attempt the birth for the 3rd time. I knew it was coming...but I was in a hard place as Steven was gone, Timber was asleep and the kids not quite home from school. I had to make the tough call and say I probably couldn't make it, knowing this time there'd be a baby...and it would make my previous attempts in vain. I had one shot of calling her sitter (a neighbor at the end of the street that watches kids everyday and Timber only on T/Th...) to see if by any chance she was able to keep her for 1 hour until my older ones could pick her up. (*This is the huge benefit of using this lady! My older ones can get her and not need a car, cross the road or anything!!) The Lord made a way again and she said "YES!"
The birth went well, quickly that time and I was home by 7pm that night. Another blessing! I would not be missing boot camp and I had made every appointment!
Thursday started off great...good work out, excellent quiet time that was a reflection of how our days should go and how even though we don't know what's ahead the Lord does and we are to trust that he'll equip us to handle it. I was so encouraged thinking it would be a great day! Immediately after my quiet time the day got away from me. That morning the extra hours of studying I thought I'd enjoy did not exist. Timberlyn woke up early and between setting her up with breakfast and a movie and picking out her clothes for the day (she'd be going to the sitter's) and then helping to get her off and going it was suddenly time for me to start getting ready as I had to drive out to Sugar Land again; this time for a meeting with a CPA regarding setting up my personal, small business. It is/was a necessary evil but a chunk of time nonetheless. My mother-in-law had also scheduled to take me to lunch that day and we set the appt so I'd have plenty of time for my meeting plus drive time, etc.
*Side note...the CPA was great...very calm and informative...but I there's something about the whole tax thing and the process that makes my insides crawl! Even though my major was Finance at HBU and I took 12 hours of accounting I cannot stand it! Maybe it's the ever changing nature of taxes in general so there's no "set" comfort point or just the stress of the IRS or what, but blah! Let's just say I should be able to do my own taxes and yet, I refuse! I have to set an arbitrary date in March just so that come April I'm free and don't have to worry about it. I hate it that much.
All that said, I had some time afterwards and yet instead of coming home and studying I had to discuss at length what I had learned with my hubby (who was at a client's even though I REALLY wanted his presence to learn too!!) and then once home I had to get online to investigate tax junk. See, my WHOLE entire point of doing this is so that I could properly know how I want to keep "my books" and set up a checking account so that I can FINALLY start ordering some business/professional equipment...and subsequently be able to write it off...or depreciate it as I came to learn I would need to do with the purchases I planned to make initially. Well, for those who may not know...setting up a business checking account is a pain. You need your business name (check, already have my DBA) and a tax id #....which is weird to me, b/c my services are not taxable. So then I had to research how to get a tax id, etc. I was on/off the phone with Steven this whole time. Nothing was solved....I need him in person and the once calm, focused manner I was in during/just after my CPA meeting was gone...STRESS BALL! and then I look up and it's time to go to meet Sandi for lunch at Brookwood.
Lunch was great (nice place, if you've never been) and I enjoyed the time to catch up and not have 12 people around, etc. I had no place to be except of course home studying...only I also had to pick Taylor up from tutoring at a certain time...I cannot stand driving all around and back and forth wasting time...and my pocket of time was not enough to go home and study. Instead I went by the Katy Birth Center to drop off some thank you cards for recent Christmas/Graduation gifts and headed to the school to pick up Taylor. I've done this long enough to know to always have something in the car to do and so I did have some study cards to review as I waited. Wow...2 study cards later and out she comes.
I get home hoping to take advantage of the remaining time without Timber (pick up is by 5) and was able to read a few pages interrupted almost constantly by telling my older two to be quiet and stay on task.
*Kid side note: I was hoping that by actually being home with them and up in the mornings/when they got home from school each day that I could parent better. What this translates into is just repeating myself of what they need to do next. They frequently get off task and one starts messing with another and it snow balls. Yea, I'm home to be the referee! (insert extreme sarcasm) I am experimenting with leaving each child (older 3) an afternoon "to do" list that they must reference and do each day prior to free time...it's not completely militaristic...it has "snack, homework, an area of study they may need to focus an additional 10-15 minutes on, and a chore/or consequence (only if they had earned one)" We'll see how it goes.
Anyway...time flew as the clock neared 5pm and that was it, my study of the day. SO NOT ENOUGH for my major test! Then I go, pick up Timber and the day spirals even further downwards....
To put it nicely after a confrontation with my son, he continued to spiral out of control. I'm sure most of it was him taking advantage of Steven not being present (he had to work late), but he likes to just shut down and mess with people if he's not getting his way OR if you ask him to do things he doesn't feel he needs to do. HUGE fight/CLASHING of heads, etc. There was one slight reprieve only to get stirred back up into physical confrontation. I was keeping Steven informed of the happenings so that he was prepared (he was on his way) but man, what a crappy afternoon/evening. Steven finally gets home and that was that...that was the day. His entire evening was spent dealing with Thomas. He tries to reason, he tries to give him space...that boy is exhausting! There's yelling, fighting, yelling, crying, shutting down, verbal over exaggerations, we're the worst parents ever, etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile I'm trying to keep the girls on task for evening routine (to make the next morning go smoothly...this helps A LOT!) There's so much going on and I'm so upset from my dealings with him AND that my time with Steven was taken away that I can't focus...I can't study, I can't attack my to do list....AHH!
What happened to my beautiful day?
- Still successfully not going to the store...was supposed to go tonight...that was ruined! I will be going Friday, so that's something. I did however, start eating better starting Tuesday. I knew I could push off the shopping and it was beginning to be a mental game. I told myself to stop and have used each day as it's own challenge. With that I'm also refusing to let myself be consumed by this. One of my pet peeves (I've lost count as to the #, ha ha) is people so vocal as to what they are or are not doing. If someone asks sure I'll answer them, but otherwise...to just volunteer "Oh, I don't eat that or this has ___ calories/points, etc." (yes I've been guilty) annoys me! It makes the other person feel bad. Order what you know you can order and shut your mouth. You can say some things like when I was at lunch with Sandi and she asked if I wanted to split a dessert I replied "I'm trying to be good". That is the truth...YES, I WANT a dessert...and it was SUPER tempting. but by saying what I did it was honest and didn't make her feel bad....as if I would have said "WHAT??!! That's like 2000 calories" which is obnoxious! Same goes for a meal itself...if I was invited over and had no choice about the menu I could eat a small portion of whatever they were serving instead of not eating in front of them or making some big deal about how horrible it is for you. Just be normal and be sensible!
*Side note - feel free to comment, encourage, ream me, whatever after any of my posts...
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