I almost titled today's post "When will I learn" or "Careful what you ask for"...but decided not to be so down about it. (crazy turn of events in and of itself, right!?!)
So again, so much has happened and I'm never sure if I'll go back or not. The problem with a public forum is that it's public. The problem with going "offline" and just doing these journal type entries is that I know it's just for me and then what's the point. Still wrestling with that one.
Getting back to the topic at hand though, have you ever thought or said something that you wanted/wished and it happened? I know we've all been in situations where it took days/weeks/months or years to get an answer and those times are grueling! I suppose one should be happy when the alternative takes place, right?! I'm not sure if it's because I've become so accustom to waiting that I thought it would be a longer journey or process and that would be okay with me because this desire involved change (which I am usually fairly resistant to), or if it's the reality that what I asked for wasn't easy. {pout}
I had a friend that once said she never prayed for patience because she didn't want to be put through all the paces/circumstances that the particular character trait required. I laughed and nodded knowingly but was probably secretly doing the same. I knew I needed more, but I also had so many "specks in my eye" that I had other things to work on first. ;-)
So, what did I ask for?
Quick back story - I have always wrestled with self image. (What female doesn't, I know, not a deep newsflash!) I very much get in my head and daily have some type of internal battle/struggle. I've yo-yo dieted, I've done extreme measures both with food and working out, I'm very critical of myself (which unfortunately has come out sideways to others) and I battle food constantly...and...am addicted to SUGAR!
Fast forward a bit to early 2013 where I had heard a ton of reviews of the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. Steven and I watched it together and it blew us away. Naturally we had to try it and I outlined a period of time for a juice fast. Shortly after that I began watching additional documentaries (Forks over Knives and others) and was again blown away. So much information out there that completely changes what I knew and learned growing up. So much so, that in a way I found it a bit paralyzing. I mean, that changes everything.
I fought and wrestled with this knowledge and didn't/don't know what to do with it. Suddenly, one day last week as Steven and I prepared for the evening and had set to wake up at 5:15AM every Tuesday/Thursday with our oldest daughter who's in track, I told him "I'm ready". For what, he asked? I said I've been thinking about it and I'm ready to be transformed. (du dun duuuunnn!)
Bare in mind that I was very much convinced this would be something to come and that I would slowly make efforts in that direction.
I'm NOT saying the end all process will be rapid and that in 2 weeks I'll be all done. I am not that naive! What I'm saying is that I believe it's going A LOT faster than ever intended.
How so?
Well, first of all, last year I had entertained the idea of possibly pulling my 3rd child out of public school. I knew she needed more individual time and concepts but quite honestly the idea of home-school freaked me out. I looked into it a bit but what I found was not for me at the time. I honestly never looked back. Then, out of the BLUE (no seriously), I came across something on FB and thought it couldn't hurt to check out. It happened (sure, it just "happened") to be on a day when Steven and I were both home. I even was called for a birth that morning but was home in enough time to take a nap and still attend! Our thoughts were the same and we felt like the Lord had literally wrapped this option as a gift with a bow and handed it to us! It was amazing! To be fair to myself and my daughter it awakened a new found sense of searching so that I could make sure that wasn't a lapse in judgement or an off day due to lack of sleep. I'm diving in and doing my research and thus far everything is confirming that assessment!
Second, in the same period of my statement to my husband I have been led to join an organic co-op. Now please don't let these prior two statements turn you off!!!! (1 - if/when we're accepted on the first point I'll let you know what it entails! and on this second point, I do NOT want to become crazy organic lady who preaches that her way is better and your family is dying if you don't!! I am real, I am still me and we have a LONG way to go. What I/my family do is NOT to be measured against anyone and their choices.) That being said, I first off just wanted to try it out. I also plan to try out some other sources to see what methods/products we feel fit our family best. It is not a one size fits all! The only other thing I will say is from all the documentaries/research/information I myself have found is that most of what we know is wrong. (and that alone is a huge head game for me!)
Thirdly, I thought that I'd be able to get away with improving my eating but keeping my sugar vice under wraps. My rationale was that I was at least getting more vegetables than ever and I could "afford" it. In an effort to not give TMI, I woke up one morning this week with a certain infection who's only origins are A - antibiotics or B - too much sugar. Well, I haven't been sick to necessitate the use of any antibiotics so guess what that means? The weird thing is that I did not just consume too much in this last week/few days. Isn't it odd that I would just now (after YEARS of not having a symptom) have this surface? Nope, not odd...that's the way it goes, I knew immediately it was brought up now and with this timing because of what I asked for. To add insult to injury I started researching "breaking out on the jawline and chin" and what it means (as other cultures, not western medicine, believes that external manifestations are the result of internal imbalances)...to which I found that can be caused by candida (nice correlation!) and a proper balancing diet involves cutting sugar, fermented foods, wine, yeast, vinegar, dairy and flour (manage carb intake)!!! My thoughts (OH, IS THAT ALL?!?!?!?!?)
CRAP!
On the one hand theoretically I should be happy that the info found from my 3 point alines with the research/documentaries and information I've been learning, but I gotta be honest. That SUCKS! (pardon my language)
My head is still spinning and there is still so much to learn/put into place! This was literally all in 1 week! The open house was Wednesday, we picked up our first organic food share Thursday and I woke up Friday morning to my self-diagnosis of fun.
Again, I know some aspects will take time and I get that. (randomly out of the blue this week I got a text about a free speaker, a naturopath, speaking on supporting good health) It's just weird how everything is hitting all at the same time.
I'd love and welcome any prayers for me!
